I am still not entirely sure what that means, but I did it in front of the whole class. It felt effortless. Although I didn’t have the whole monologue memorized, but for the half of it I did, it felt very natural. Didn’t seem like I did any “acting” at all.
Monday night. Upon setting foot in class, I had but one objective in mind – to maintain a high level of nervousness! So when the time came for me to show my instructor my “homework”, I would have already embodied the very emotion and energy required in the text and my performance would come across as genuine or convincing.
I stood in front of the whole class and went “method” on my monologue. Right off the bat, I noticed my body, more specifically, my hands were doing things that wasn't included in my visualization of the character. Still, I continued to stumble my words. "Acting" nervous and uncomfortable. The more I talked the more excited my hands got! It was this moment the left side of my brain tried to make the rest of my body match the preconceived image of my character. So I tried to suppress my movements. The experience is comparable to taking a bra off with your teeth but you wind up hurting the girl! Awkward!
Having sat through my embarrassing "act", Tom the instructor roasted me in front of everybody. He did warn us that if he caught anybody "acting" he would slap them! Tom pressed me for specific answers that would give me a clear character objective in the scene. I gotta tell ya. His method of coaching is part interrogation and part humiliation. I felt so uncomfortable. Then again, if I can’t even stomach this kinda criticism, how could I ever stand to face any auditions and shit?
I understand this is all part of my learning process, and unfortunately, I learn best from my failures…This no pain no gain thing is very taxing sometimes.
After Tom had accomplished his objective on beating my character’s objective into my fragile mind, he told me to do my monologue again. With that, I entered the class room once more and started moving my lips. The text naturally poured out like they were mine. It was me up there saying those words. No character. No method acting. Just me talking as myself. I had no conscious control over my body and limbs. I didn’t plan how I should enter the room or move my body. I simply let go and watched the whole thing unfold before my eyes. The whole process felt organic. I didn’t even have time to ‘think’ about my lines. The words just came out. It was quite magical!
In the end, Tom was thrilled with my performance and gave his seal of approval. I candidly responded with, “But I didn’t DO anything up there! I was just talking!!”
Even now I am still puzzled by what I did with my non-acting on Monday night.
