Tuesday night marked the end of the Level 100 Improv class with Bad Dog Theatre. It was a very emotional evening for us all. Really! We went over the subject of emotion in class and played a variety of games that required us to take on various emotions within a short scene. It was a challenge for me. I got nervous.
It was that same nervousness that creeps into my head whenever I am put on the spot on a foreign subject. I simply didn’t know how to act out certain emotions to their fullest. I was quite stiff. Perhaps my ego was more concerned with how funny my classmates were and trapped myself in a perpetual loop of critical thinking:
“When the time came, will I be as funny as these people?”
Always the same question but never an answer. Having said that, I did notice I got positive reactions from the rest of the class, whenever I focused my attention on the scene and actually listened to my fellow improvisers on stage. Granted, 'positive' doesn’t always mean funny but it’s a favourable beginning. The positive energy projected from the audience is enough to get me to my next confidence boost on stage.
At the end of the night, Shannon jokingly asked me, “Why can’t you show more feelings?” or something to that effect. What a great question?! It really got me thinking. I had been holding back a bit(Bullshit! A lot!). When we were playing the “Emotional scale” game where 1 being neutral and 10 being the peak of a particular emotion. My 10 always seemed to fall flat. It felt more like a 5 or 6 at best. Am I emotionally devoid like some sort of war-hardened veteran? Or was I simply holding back out of self-consciousness?
I really don’t have a good excuse for my emotionally-challenged portrayal. I'm sure my Ego got in the way, so desperately holding on to my idea of 'self' and refused to let go and give rise to my emotions. Well, it's either that or I don't get the label that attaches to each emotion. For instance, how do you act out 'Paranoia' to the max? Well, maybe you can and don't fucking tell me! Neutral scenes I can do with ease because I am simply being the fun me. Cracking wise and all. But the moment an emotion was introduced in a game, I felt uncomfortable (maybe it's a macho thing?).
I know I can emote better than that famous robot actor - “Caculon”! I have caught myself experiencing different stages of anger, depression, fear, joy and LUST in real life before! The biggest challenge for me in that class was having the moxy to put these emotions under a microscope and blow them up in front of an audience. And my emotional response for that was – fearful!
Oh! So I did emote in class after all. haha
